Suicide
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The
cold invigorating metal touches my head and sends a shock of realization
through my brain. I look around and there are people staring at me. How did I
get here? I’ve been in a trance the last few months thinking I could cheat my
way out of death but I can’t. The audience gasps in horror as the revolver
turns towards them. This is my only way to get out alive. I tell everyone to
stay calm and no one will get hurt but even as I announce this I can’t seem to
believe my own words. Unwillingly, my legs start to move with no destination in
mind. The look on the crowd’s faces sends chills through my body.
I
just want to get out alive.
Out
of the corner of my eye I see death staring straight at me. The reminder of a
dead body in a hole suffocated with concrete pours into my brain. The men
blocking the door straight in front of me did not look like they would give me
a choice again. Their arched eyebrows creased into a fine point on their
forehead standing in front of the door ready to draw like a gunslinger assured
me that they weren’t going to let me just walk out of here even with a gun
pointed at them. As I glance to my left this young blonde woman stares into my
eyes and without thinking I grab her and point the revolver to her head. “If
anyone moves, the girl dies,” I announce trembling at my own voice. As I look
into the girls eyes Sue-Bee pops into my head.
“Wheeee-ooooo”
I hear sirens in the distance. Her blonde hair bouncing off her shoulders
innocently. “Wheeee-ooooo.” Her baby blue eyes stained with black
mascara and red veins. “Wheeee-ooooo.” I suddenly realize I can’t hurt
this girl. Her heart beat that thumps ferociously under my palm reminds me of
Sue-Bee during the show a few months ago. I just want to hold her again and
tell her she was right about everything. She was right about the evil with in
this show. She was right that it was my fault about
everything. She was right.
Suddenly
I see flashes of guns, badges, and black uniforms swarm the canopy as I let go
of the gun and the girl. I watch the next five minutes as if it was a blur;
being tackled to the ground, blood gushing out of my mouth after being
purposely kicked in the face by one of our nation’s finest, and the phrase “you
have the right to remain silent” ringing through my ears. I didn’t care that I
was being arrested, I felt safer than I have felt for the past few months. I
felt free.
The
metal bars are frozen beneath my fingers as I cling to them. The brown toilet
in the corner of the cell glares at me but I refuse to relieve myself unless
given a tetanus shot first. As I look around it seems I am in hell yet I can’t
stop smiling. I should be in a hole with pounds of concrete on top of me but
I’m not, I’m alive. I’m alive and possibilities start to drizzle into my mind,
but at the top is Sue-Bee. I want to reunite with her, get down on one knee and
ask her to marry me. I can see our blonde haired blue eyed children playing in
the back yard when all of the sudden I hear a scratchy voice beside me “get out
of the cell now.” Dazed and confused I don’t budge.
“Come
on out before I come in and get you.”
Reluctantly
I waddle out of the cell. He leads me into a cold dark room with a one light
centered at the top of the low ceiling. There is a solitary table with two
chairs that I’m shoved into creating a huge clink as my handcuffs bounce off
the cold metal table onto my lap. Sitting here in silence reminds me of the
emptiness I feel deep inside my chest. Reality starts to sink in when I
remember the hours before. I pointed a gun at a crowd and I took a young girl
hostage. What was I thinking? That’s not me. I don’t do things like this. My
thoughts are interrupted when I hear the door creak open quietly and I look
over and see a small figured woman. I squint my eyes blinded by the light
trying to see who it is and as she walks closer I see the angel stand before
me. It’s Sue-Bee.
“How
are you Guster?” she asks timidly.
Still
shocked by the creature that stands before me I answer with one word, “Fine.”
“I heard what happened and I have to say I’m not surprised” she
states confidently.
All
I can do is just stare down into my lap ashamed. I have so many things to say,
but I can’t seem to find the words.
“You
know Guster I told you that no good could come from that show. It was an evil
concept and now look at you. You almost killed yourself, then threatened to
kill a young girl in the process, and now you’re sitting in front of me
handcuffed in jail just because you had to go see a man shoot himself in the
face for the hell of it.”
I
know everything she says is true so I sit in silence. I look at her tired
blotchy face with deep regret. She senses my hesitance and reaches over to
grasp my hands so I respond and she strokes my hand gently.
“Guster
I just think you need some help. I don’t think you’re capable of being happy
until you work out your problems.” She sighs and looks down at the table
exasperated.
I
try to find the words but all I can think about is holding her in my arms once
again, watching her fall into a deep sleep peacefully dreaming of a better world.
I
finally decide to ask a question that should bother me although it doesn’t but
it’s all that will venture out of my mouth, “What do you think will happen to me?”
She
pauses and with tears in her eyes she simply replies “I don’t know.”
Each
word tears at my heart not because of the unknown outcome of the rest of my life,
but because of the pity I hear behind each syllable. She stares into my eyes
with a hopeless discontent and I realize that we may never be together again, I
may never be happy.
From the opening sentence this story has me captivated. First I’ll say that it reminds me of Kevin Wilson’s story, The Shooting Man, in a few ways. Before I get into that however I must say that I like the way in which you approach your story. I think this story works well as a sequel to The Shooting Man. It is very accurate because it begins with Guster on stage preparing to shoot himself while thinking about Sue-Bee, exactly where Wilson’s story ends. I like the way in which you illustrate Guster’s situation like this is punishment to him for developing an interest in “Maximillian Bullet” and trying to cheat death. You do a great job and captivating the reader by throwing Guster into a hole right away, making the reader wonder how in the world he will survive, or how gory his death may be. Furthermore it’s even more frantic to the reader that you assure there is no escape for Guster by using the “men blocking the door,” the sirens, and the police storming in. While this is going on I’m also thinking about how Guster’s life has been sucked out of him just like in The Shooting Man, I’m thinking about his underlying concern for Sue-Bee, and I’m thinking about the damage that he is capable of doing to himself as well as the audience. All of these factors make your story an attention grabber – and that’s just the beginning.
ReplyDeleteI think you made timely literary choices which really adding to the drama. Once Guster is booked and reflects on what he just did and expresses his concern for his future with Sue-Bee, I am not sure what to expect either. However I did not expect Sue-Bee to be the one to meet him in the interrogation room. I really like the idea of using her in place of a police officer because it provides a different twist to the plot. As the reader I would expect an officer could be in his face screaming at the havoc he caused, but I realize that just as much emotional damage is caused when the one bright spot in Guster’s future is standing right in front of him and is soon to be gone forever. You also do a good job with using her as an authority figure reminding him that he’s there because of his choices. However you also remind the reader that she too has emotions as you depict when during her conversation with Guster, “She pauses and with tears in her eyes she simply replies “I don’t know,” referring to her opinion, or lack thereof, for his future.
Lastly you also do a great job and making it tough for me to critique your story. Aside from giving your characters different names than those in Wilson’s story, I think this is a wonderfully written and creative story. The emotional appeal works, the literary devices work, and the suspense that it provides the reader is strong. Overall you did a nice job with your story and I really enjoyed reading it.
Just as Trey stated above, I was drawn in from the very first line of the story. I think you did an excellent job. Obviously, this story reminds me most of "The Shooting Man," because it seems to be some sort of sequel. I think it was a brave decision you made in writing a sequel, especially to one of the most intense stories we read this semester. You did a fantastic job of depicting both Guster and Sue Bee's emotions. I love that you incorporated Sue Bee telling Guster "You know Guster I told you that no good could come from that show. It was an evil concept and now look at you" because I do believe it is exactly what she would say to him.
ReplyDeleteI love how you portrayed Guster's emotions. We were able to see the dramatic shift from the gentle man he was at the beginning of the shooting man, to this horrific person. He has traveled down a long road of despair, and there is no longer much substance left in him. However, it also showed that although he may not be the same person he once was, he still does care about Sue Bee, and that alone gave me a sense of hope. It is difficult for me to decide what you could have done better. I do think it would have been neat had the sequel been written from Sue Bee's point of view. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. Nice job!