Monday, December 2, 2013

Coffins Over Coffee

Coffins Over Coffee
14,000 Things to Be Happy About is a book on the back corner shelf of the shop down on Canby Street. I like to walk down there to thumb through a compilation of reasons not to be miserable. Sometimes the realization that I have to read a book to remind myself how to be happy actually makes me sad. And sometimes it makes me laugh uncontrollably, although I haven’t decided why.
Daniel is a one-upper. His hobbies include offering tidbits of crucial facts to the stories I share with our friends over dinner, pretending he heard the news first, being a fan of all the things I like before I knew they existed, and reminding me I’d be nowhere without him. I was never the kind of person who wanted to get married so it isn’t like fear drove me to the altar. I’m impulsive. I moved in with a boyfriend in college. I pierced my nose for six days, once. I majored in philosophy for no good reason that I’ve found. And then one day, I married Daniel. 
My trips to the shop are often the result of Daniel’s actions. Last year, he didn’t come home one night, “late night at the office,” he offered in a tone that said he didn’t care if I believed him or not. After an attempt at a discussion about his night in hopes of discovering the truth, I left and found my way to the book for the first time. I blame Daniel for my affair because if I hadn’t been so unhappy, I wouldn’t find myself in that corner so often and I wouldn’t have met Ben. Ben works there most days, organizing the books and making the coffee and reading on his downtime.
I didn’t go to the bookstore looking for someone to cheat on my husband with. Sometimes when I try to think of the first time I saw Ben, I think I might just be making it up. I do things like that sometimes when I try so hard to imagine things I can’t remember that I just make them up. Ben never really asks questions because he doesn’t have to; he just knows things. Sometimes, it occurs to me that maybe he read my mind so I am careful with my thoughts around him, just in case.
I’ve started to spend a lot of time at the shop, unprovoked my Daniel’s schedule. I take lunch to Ben on his breaks from the cafĂ© next door. I sit back in the back reading 14,000 Things and instead of being sad that it’s my sole source of happiness, I relate them to Ben in some ways, conversations we have or the way we carry on. All of the people are quiet in the shop, working on their laptops or reading a book. I can never decide if they stare at us with disapproval because we are laughing or because they know I’m married.

“Wooden spoon.”

“The Nightmare Before Christmas, duh.”

“Coffins over Coffee.”

“That weird dream you had.”

Our Game was a pass time created in which one person says a word or phrase and the other tries to guess what it makes the other participant think of. Ben always guesses right.
Daniel went to a conference in Seattle this weekend. When we were first married, he’d bring me along with him for those trips. His coworkers didn’t bring their wives for reasons that seemed immoral and unthinkable to Daniel in his innocence, in the beginning of our marriage. I’m surprised it took Daniel six years to leave me at home. I’d be offended that he doesn’t invite me anymore but I don’t miss sitting in hotel rooms alone and when I get lonely here, I go visit Ben at the shop.

“October.”

“Soccer.”

“Chicken pox.”

“Never had them.”

I couldn’t think of a phrase, I just go blank occasionally and Ben gets the book out to scroll for an idea. Instead, he stared at me.

“Is your husband any good at this game?” he asked.

I sat there for a moment, flashing through all of our prior conversations. I ran our history through my head as quickly as I could without giving myself away. I was certain that I’d never told Ben about Daniel. I’d never worn my ring to the shop because I was mad at him every single time. I’d never spoken a word about the source of my unhappiness. Or had I?
I was doing it again. I couldn’t remember our conversations and I couldn’t distinguish between what was said and what I’d made up. I didn’t want to lie anymore, but I didn’t want him to go away. I put my head in my hands and began sobbing. I don’t know how long I cried but I couldn’t make myself stop. When I heard a voice asking if I was okay, and realized it wasn’t Ben, I pried my hands from my face and looked up. Everyone in the shop was circled around me, each with a concerned expression. I looked around frantically searching the worried faces for Ben’s. He was gone.
I am screaming at this point. Screaming for Ben, asking where he went, shouting apologies to him through a group of people, half clueless and half very concerned. A woman in the back is calling for help on her cell phone; a couple of them are trying to lay me on the floor. Where is Ben?
Daniel was my emergency contact. The doctor told him I’d been spending the last three months reading and talking to myself in the corner of the bookstore on Canby. I spent six months taking medication and convincing my husband that I wasn’t crazy before I finally made my way back to the bookstore to prove it to myself.

14,000 Things to Be Happy About was gone.

5 comments:

  1. This story is really good. I was not expecting that ending at all. It makes me wonder if maybe her whole life was not real. She could have just as easily imagined Daniel and their entire life together. When she “spent six months taking medication and convincing [her] husband that [she] wasn’t crazy before [she] finally made [her] way back to the bookstore to prove it to [herself],” it sounds like she was also trying to convince herself of her own sanity. I think she will forever be lost in this world of uncertainty about what is real and what she imagines. After realizing “’14,000 Things to be Happy About’ was gone,” she must have had a hard time coming to the reality everything she experienced in the past year. My favorite part of your story was when she “heard a voice asking if [she] was okay, and realized it wasn’t Ben.” That is when the tone of the story changed for me. I knew that something was not right anymore. Your story has a Twilight Zone demeanor. Everything always appears normal at first, but in the end everything is twisted in an unexpected way. It reminds me of Brad Watson’s story “Aliens in the Prime of Their Lives.” When Olivia and her husband awoke in the hospital and the nurse said “how did you like your experience?” was the moment that whole story changed for me (Watson 243). I think you did that very well and it was a very surprising ending. The way you wrote the story is like how Danielle Evans writes her stories. There is a beginning, middle and end. It does not skip around like Caitlin Horrocks’ stories do, so it was easy to read without confusion. You also had that Southern Gothic style of writing that most of the books we have read use. The only thing I would change about this story is the length. I know it is only supposed to be 1000 words, but I did not want it to end. It is just like all the other great stories we have read in class that ended too soon. Also, I think some punctuation might be off. Book titles are supposed to be underlined or put in quotations. The dialogue is a little confusing too. I had to read through it several times to make the connections. But after finishing the story and understanding that she was talking to herself the whole time, who said what is not really important. Your story was the first one to grab my interest. The title is great. I thought I would be reading about death, or something of that nature, but read something totally different. I like how you used to title as a minuscule part of your story, yet it some how resonated with me. I really enjoyed reading it and I think you did an amazing job writing it.

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  2. This was the first story I read and it’s honestly very good. The first thing that caught my attention was the title. “Coffins Over Coffee” is a great title for this work and definitely caught my attention. The story opens very subtly, then flows smoothly with a casual tone and pace.
    I think my favorite aspect of the story is the way Ben is introduced and portrayed. The concept was well thought out. Then there are small hints that there is something different about Ben throughout the story. “Ben never really asks questions because he doesn’t have to; he just knows things. Sometimes, it occurs to me that maybe he read my mind so I am careful with my thoughts around him, just in case,” when I first read this line it didn’t quite fit. The way it stands out is a clever way of letting the reader know that there is something off about Ben without giving it away.
    Another piece of the story I enjoyed was the game the narrator and Ben played. This was another clever device for building a relationship between the narrator and Ben, while also showing that Ben has some kind of insight into the narrator. Then the way Ben asks something he could have never known really changes the tone of the story.
    The pace change is another enthralling characteristic of this story. Then last paragraph really seams to fly by after the pace picks up. Now the end was the only thing I would change. The book being gone was just not definitive enough to be the revelation. I could imagine the narrator reasoning with her self simply saying the book simply could’ve been moved to make room for new books on the shelf or just have been purchased. Instead you could confirm that there never was a Ben employed at the bookstore. This would have been more confirming to someone who is fighting to maintain their sanity. One other line “Sometimes when I try to think of the first time I saw Ben, I think I might just be making it up,” seems to be a little too much of a give away. Although that didn’t seem to bother me too much when I first read this story.
    The mental illness and instability reminds me of Caitlyn Horrock’s “Embodied.” The only difference is the narrator in this story finds out that she is actually has some kind of disorder. The pace and tone are very similar.
    Overall this was a great story. The story is well written and well though out. It was very intriguing and kept me entertained throughout the entire story.

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  3. I love the stories that take me into the twilight zone. This story was brilliant! I was so consumed with the thoughts of the main character that I found it hard to believe she was crazy. The abrupt ending made the shock of that information even more profound because it didn't give me time to consume what had just happened. I fully bought into the main character's whole life story. I felt like she was depressed due to her failing marriage, and she had found a lover in a book store that she frequented. I thought her and Ben might even begin a relationship, and the main character would leave her unfaithful husband. The tittle was also amazing. I enjoyed how you incorporated the game that Ben and the main character played into your story tittle. One thing I didn't like was the length. I know we have a cut off on the amount of words we can use, but I wish I could have gotten a little more depth into your story and its characters. Your story reminds me of the short story "Aliens in the Prime of Their Lives" written by Brad Watson. Both Watson's story and yours brought me into the twilight zone. They had a si-fi feel to them, and they both kept me guessing and wanting more. In conclusion, your story is was delightful to read and left me wanting more.

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  4. I agree with Taylor this story is like being in a twilight zone! The title for it is perfect as well it was an interesting title so I decided to read this one first. Great decision! This story reminds me on "Embodied" as well because of the tone in the story. I almost wish your story was longer so you could go more in depth on the characters. The way you tie in the 14,000 To Be Happy is perfect for the introduction of Ben's character into the story. I also really liked the way you incorporated the game between the narrator and Ben into the story instead of just telling what the game is that's played. Very good writer choices Im so glad I read your story!

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  5. Comment from Nikki Culver:

    I really liked this story, because at first, I thought it was going to be a "normal world" story, and it sounded a lot like a lot of the stories from "Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self," but at the end, we realize that it's all different. Ben wasn't really there; it was all in her head (I think). It is like Horrocks, which was my favorite writer. It was an unexpected turn. I agree with Taylor and Kathryn, it was very Twilight-Zoney-ey, and this is something that I really liked about it. What you start off thinking it is, is not what it is by the time you’re done reading it.
    At first, I didn’t like Daniel, because he seemed like a jerk and I was really confused as to why she married him. I wish that there had been a bit more explanation of why she married him. Was it like the girls from “Virgins?” Did she do it because it was something she thought she needed to do and he was just the person who was around when she made up her mind? I also don’t really understand why she’s still with him. It seems, by the time during which the story takes place, that neither of them love each other anymore, if they ever really did in the beginning, and it might have added to the story to include a little internal dialogue from the narrator where she contemplates her marriage and how it got to it’s current state and what is to become of it.
    I also wish that I knew what happened to her in the end. Did they take her to a mental facility? Did they get divorced? Was Ben real and just ran away and take the book with him? Or has she just completely lost it due to her marriage falling apart.
    Overall, I really liked the story. It kind of reminded me of how when little kids don’t know how to communicate to people, or need someone to talk to, they make up an imaginary friend. This was kind of like the adult version of that. The fact that her marriage is falling apart and she’s not sure what to do led her to create a person that understands her and is willing to comfort her when she needs it most. And then, when everything starts to fall apart and she really needs her new friend to comfort her, he’s gone as if he never existed in the first place. The last twist makes the reader wonder how much of the events the narrator has described to us were really in her head. Is she really having problems with her marriage or is she just making it up due to some other sort of psychological issues? This story was really good and it makes you think about how people handle the situations they’re put into, and how sometimes, adults don’t always handle the situation in the most mature way.

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